2-15&16-09

I used to wish
for Kodak moments
normality
predictability
I used to wish
things would be perfect
life would work out
we would be happy
I didn't know
my lot in life
nothing is perfect
some people
are simply not meant to be content
I used to fight it
tried to change things
attempted to fix myself
but
only broke myself more
I used to wish
people knew
or cared
or acted
I used to wish
for a new day
that would be different
but in reality
was simply a repeat
of the same thing I knew too well
I used to wish
for cliches
and happy endings
for the
smiling
cheerful
people on the glowing screen
to surround me
take me in
love me
accept me
surprise me
and then
I stopped.
I stopped wishing,
fighting
caring
hoping
loving
learning
laughing
thinking
smiling
and became
what they wanted me to be
nothing
worthless
The things they told me I was
so I filled in the position
became the standard
conceded
complied
not living
merely existing
floating through
no one noticed
and if they did,
no one cared enough
to ask
blank eyes
If you're expecting me
to say I was saved
by God
or love
or an influential stranger
you may be right.
It was gradual, this climbing
a slow awakening



----Unfinished.