All of this
hate
and the only explanation
is that I don't deserve
love
15 years
operating
under that mindset
has the power to
make or
break a person
but I was broken from the beginning
then you came
and taught me
that just because it hadn't been proven
didn't mean it didn't exist
love
this
love
you showed me
make me feel for you
swam against the current of
hate
a difficult, painful process
old habits are hard to break
you can lead a horse to water but you can't make him drink
I'm sipping
love
I'm timid, left scared and battered from
hate
frightened, that as soon as I attempt to quench my thisrt
you'll leave and take your
love
with you. And I
hate
this mistrust I feel. I
hate
my part for leaving me so suspicious. But I
love
you for showing me the way.
Friday, July 31, 2009
7-29-09
I have a cockroach in a jar
And I love to watch him struggle
Trying to find his freedom
His wings extend but he won't get far
He squirms and runs and flips about
This glass prison confuses him
Almost depressing to watch his little legs
Yet I know I'll never let him out
Call me sociopathic
Call me fucking deranged
But there's something soothing to my soul
to watch something else be frantic
He'll slowly starve, asphyxiate
And I will watch in wonder
As I see something die like I have inside
As the hunger to see pain I satiate
A thought occurs as I watch him try
There's enough pain in the world without my contributing
This small bug had done nothing wrong
His life is something I have no right to deny
I had a cockroach in a jar
Yesterday I smiled as he flew away
I returned his freedom I had wrongfully stolen
And hoped his wings would take him far.
And I love to watch him struggle
Trying to find his freedom
His wings extend but he won't get far
He squirms and runs and flips about
This glass prison confuses him
Almost depressing to watch his little legs
Yet I know I'll never let him out
Call me sociopathic
Call me fucking deranged
But there's something soothing to my soul
to watch something else be frantic
He'll slowly starve, asphyxiate
And I will watch in wonder
As I see something die like I have inside
As the hunger to see pain I satiate
A thought occurs as I watch him try
There's enough pain in the world without my contributing
This small bug had done nothing wrong
His life is something I have no right to deny
I had a cockroach in a jar
Yesterday I smiled as he flew away
I returned his freedom I had wrongfully stolen
And hoped his wings would take him far.
7-28-09
I've died, and no one knows
I lay in tatters, a pile of ruin
And everyone looks on
My mortal shell remains in tact
But me and my ka have been
corrupted, disrupted
by the environment and society I was born into
No longer does a neighbor lend a hand
Fences are erected to protect what is ours
No longer do we care about the world around us
The bitter beast of apathy has swallowed compassion and left darkness of hearts in its' wake.
No longer are we free, loving people.
We are chained by the ropes of hate and ignorance.
And so I've died.
Because the world moved on.
And I chose swim.
-Inspired in part by The Dark Tower series by Stephen King, and Weeds.
I lay in tatters, a pile of ruin
And everyone looks on
My mortal shell remains in tact
But me and my ka have been
corrupted, disrupted
by the environment and society I was born into
No longer does a neighbor lend a hand
Fences are erected to protect what is ours
No longer do we care about the world around us
The bitter beast of apathy has swallowed compassion and left darkness of hearts in its' wake.
No longer are we free, loving people.
We are chained by the ropes of hate and ignorance.
And so I've died.
Because the world moved on.
And I chose swim.
-Inspired in part by The Dark Tower series by Stephen King, and Weeds.
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